Love has the ability to kidnap our mind whether it is happy or unhappy.
If love works, we can torment ourselves about:
- How long will it last?
- Is (will) my partner (be) faithful?
- Does he really like me?
- Am I out of his league (beauty, culture, intelligence)?
And if things don’t work out, the repercussions on our life can be devastating; if we fight continuously, we can, for example, not have the strength to do the things that our daily life requires of us or do them but with an enormous effort.
When we are broken up with, strong feelings of shame usually come to light, as if the whole world has told us that we are wrong and that we are not worth enough.
Usually we torment ourselves with a thousand hypotheses about how we could have behaved to make things go differently; sometimes a strong anger, dictated by the frustration of having undergone that choice, grips us; the pain, at certain times, can be so strong that it takes your breath away.
Whether your love is happy, but for fear of losing it you do not enjoy it, or whether it is unhappy or even ended abruptly, here are some tips not to “die”:
- The pains of love must be lamented, but excessive lamentation can exacerbate your negative mood, making you feel pain even when you could have thought of something else; give your friends and family a chance to distract you. Even the closest friend could get tired of absorbing these outbursts over time, don’t overdo it; let alone the person who barely knows you, to whom you confide your amorous torments (when things don’t work out, we also behave like this, “You don’t die of love”, but for a while it’s easy to lose the ability to discern what is appropriate and what is not).
- If your life is full because:
- You play a sport;
- You have friends to go out with;
- You have one or more pets to look after;
- Dedicate some time of your day to reading;
- Take care of yourself;
- You have some fixed and reassuring habits such as going for a run every morning, or scheduled appointments with your family of origin…
then it is almost impossible that you will find yourself obsessing over love either for fear that it will end or because it is over. More scopes will keep you afloat.
It is when life is empty, when our whole identity coincides with that love story, that we run the most risks; because the story is compromised or over, we too fall.
“You don’t die of love”, especially if you don’t live only as a function of love.