jealousy rimini

Jealousy!

– You know that feeling that rises when you see him talking to someone else?

– Yes, jealousy!

– No, murder.

Often, in my studio, we talk about love: love suffered, lost, unattainable… but the most frequent issue, which can cause deep pain to the individual and can undermine even the most stable love, is certainly jealousy.

The most insidious is the one that is born and grows nourished by the imagination, without there being neither past wrongs, nor objective signs of danger that could make us fear.

There are those who do not tolerate that their partner may find other people attractive; those who fear possible betrayal and therefore obsessively check words, phones, wallets; those who subject the partner to real “interrogations”; those who follow their partners.

gelosia rimini

If you too are full-time investigators, because of the “Green-eyed monster”, the question I have for you is: “The moment you check, just as you rummage through pockets, computers, drawers, are you calm or do you feel a sense of activation, of anxiety, as if you have already found something compromising?”. The message we send ourselves while we look for clues is that “Something is there! you don’t look for something that doesn’t exist ”! We therefore submit to unnecessary suffering.

One of the “deadly” traps of jealousy is asking questions that cannot be answered, trapping oneself in endless reasoning:

– Will my partner betray me?

– What strategies can I adopt to be sure that it will not happen?

The future should be known. So how to keep suspicion at bay? How can you not ruin the couple?

Constantly talking about your fears with your partner, investigating, scenes, complaining, pointing out, are not good for the couple. The climate becomes heavy and, in the end,  we tend to flee from what is heavy, perhaps to go elsewhere…! And here we are in front of a resounding “self-fulfilling prophecy”.

Our goal must not be to pursue the absolute certainty that our loved one is in good faith, but the health of the couple and therefore ours. There are no recipes that make us immune; absurdly we could be betrayed and left even by granting the partner all the freedom of the world. It is worth trusting to enjoy the “journey”, to live our love story peacefully and then whatever will be…

This healthy fatalism and lightness are not always reachable independently, in some cases help is needed, to get rid of fears and find a smile again.

past problems rimini

When the “past” becomes a problem

The past can teach us a lot. For example, not to make the same mistakes again; to take the significant people who have inhabited it as a role model; to understand what we want or do not want in a love relationship.

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Sometimes, the past can take the form of a sinister shadow, which it is necessary to work on, in order to get rid of it. Not so much to go and discover the “unconscious” origin of the present disorders (this is not a guarantee of resolution), but to put the past back where it belongs, in the past!

So, when is it necessary to intervene?

  • If you are sure that you have missed an important opportunity and this thought prevents you from moving forward, with the right determination.
  • If a finished love does not come out of your head and heart, to the point of preventing you from establishing new relationships.
  • If you cannot forgive a mistake made by you, or by others and this thought continually invades your mind.
  • If you cannot forget a traumatic event (e.g. road accident), which still populates your nightmares, or comes back to you as soon as you find yourself in similar situations, preventing you from carrying out normal activities (e.g. driving).
  • The past cannot be changed, it would take a time machine…

However, you can decide to ask for help, to be accompanied in the challenging task, to go “through” the dark tunnel of what happened, to go out and see the sky again.